One of my favourite songs is Eel's 'Beautiful Freak', has been for a long time, but recently the words have taken on new meaning (something I'm sure Eels didn't intend was for this song to be about me or my OCD lol). One of the verses goes:
"Some people think you have a problem,
But that problem lies only with them,
Just 'cause you are not like the others"
and that got me to wondering. Is the OCD what makes me a 'Beautiful Freak' and is the problem theirs and not mine?
OCD is a serious mental illness, I know this because it almost cost me everything. It's hard to explain to someone without OCD exactly how it feels, especially when their conception is already swayed by the media's blatant misrepresentation. I mean who wants to be labelled OCD, isn't that just jumping on the bandwagon? It's just so fashionable right now to be 'A little bit OCD'. Well what's the next fashion? I'm a little bit armless? I'm a little bit schizophrenic? No, I'm not being flippant. Why is it OK to generalise, marginalise and even homourise one disability or mental illness and not another? Is it fear of the freak, using humour as a defence? Or do people generally think it's humorous to be mentally ill?
Misrepresentation of OCD is often born out of misunderstanding, here is an example of a conversation I once had, I'm sure most sufferers will be familiar:
me: "I have OCD"
other: "oh, really, well at least your house is nice and tidy"
me: "no my house is a disorganised mess!"
other: "but you've got OCD, I don't understand"
me: "obviously you don't"
other "but surely it means you are obsessed with being neat and tidy?"
me: "no, it means I have obsessive compulsive disorder. It means that my brain is constantly on the go, it means that I am constantly in a state of anxiety about illogical things. My house is in a mess because it's so exhausting making everything perfect I spend most of my time sat in a corner crying that I'll never be good enough and that I can't make everything perfect!!! Plus there's some other stuff too"
other: "oh, I thought it was just washing your hands and stuff"
me: "you probably think I like flicking light switches too?"
other: "oh, don't you do that then?"
me: "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrr" *head in hands*
If no one speaks up and raises awareness, how can we correct the situation?
I'm just as guilty, nearly 10 years ago I sat in a doctors office and was diagnosed with OCD, and I'll be honest, my first thought was "I don't repetitively wash my hands". That's all I knew about obsessive compulsive disorder. I went straight home and google google googled myself sick on anything about OCD, which looking back now, was not the brightest idea I'd ever had. But during this search I came across a little but very informative charity called ocduk.org, and what a difference that made. Armed with proper information I was able to get the help I needed. So now it's time to inform the world.
To give people a better understanding of OCD is to change their perception of this illness. No more flippant comments or stigma. No more fashion label. Just a full understanding of this debilitating, cruel illness. I was asked about OCD this week and once they heard about my experiences and the charity, they wanted to go and find out about it, to become better informed. I only wish more people were like that. I've had my fair share of rudeness or flippant comments made. I've even lost friends and I've been hurt and upset, trying to figure out what to do, how to make them feel better about it. But then I realised, that's just the OCD talking!
All we can do is try to educate people about this illness and be there to support other sufferers when they are ready, to show them there are more of us and that they are not alone. It's time to get the word out, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a serious mental illness. It's not a quirk or a life style choice. We do not choose to act or think the way we do, and no one will ever understand each individuals actions or reasons behind them. So it's time for less judgement and more tolerance. And even if after the world is educated, people still have a problem or choose to ignore the seriousness of it, well, then I just need to remember: I'm not like all of the others, I might be a beautiful freak, but that's their problem, Ive got enough of my own!!
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