The week that was OCD Awareness Week!

So this is it, the end of OCD Awareness Week. Was it a success? Was it worth it? Well for Ocduk.org, I hope so, as for me, most definitely. I've had conversations with people that have then wanted to learn more, found out that I have inspired and educated, discovered that I have truly amazing friends and family, and found I can be talked into the most stupid ideas (that don't even involve chocolate!!!!).
I'm proud that I am able to make a difference, even a small one, because I hope that the small changes will ripple out to become one huge change in the perception and treatment of OCD and it's sufferers. So much has already changed, but we need to be greedy, we need to be unafraid of asking for more. We deserve more!
With that in mind, we must not forget what is already being done, the changes that are already afoot. This week saw products being rebranded and saw people standing bravely together to make themselves heard. Many of my friends sporting an OCD Awareness Week banner on their Facebook pages, not because the sufferer from it, but because they believe in, a support, me. What a wonderful thing that is, to know so many care and appreciate me, I hope they know how much I appreciate them!!  And while we are on the subject, I want to show my appreciation for a man called Ashley Fulwood and his truly amazing charity www.ocduk.org. He and the charity do some outstanding work, including organising OCD Awareness Week, as well as support sufferers and guide them in the direction of help! This Charity and it's members are life changing, in fact they are life saving! I know this because they saved my life. They are always there when I need them, not to reassure (because we know that's a no no) but to support and help me, to even listen to my awful whinging and moaning!! I only wish there was more I could do to repay them.

You might think that now the week is over you won't have to listen to me bang on and on and on about OCD, but you'd be wrong. What this week has taught me, more then anything, is that it's an ongoing battle, that I must never give up on myself or on changing others perception of this mental illness. Sometimes it's easier to close your eyes to it, to joke about it, but it's time to change, it's time to get the word out,

OCD is a serious mental illness. It can be overcome with the right treatment and the right attitude. People with OCD have enough to deal with without being stigmatised, judged, humiliated or laughed at. Change a perception and we can change the world!

Poem

Today I wrote a poem in the style of a very famous poet, Dr Seuss!

Ocd I am
Ocd I am
But I do not like to wash my hands
I don't flick switches
Touch my nose
Nor line my pencils
Up in rows
I do not turn the handle twice
Nor insist on certain grains of rice
I do not clean
And bleach
And scrub
I do not live inside my tub
There's more to it
You must see
Than having things in groups of 3
Ocd I am
Ocd I am
I wish that you would understand

 I'm but 1 voice amongst millions, 1 star amongst a universe, 1 pebble in an ocean, but I believe the smallest can make the biggest difference!! Let's make that difference, let's help people to understand the seriousness of mental illness. Support OCD Awareness Week and spread the word

Thank you x

The Beautiful Freak

First of all let me just clarify, I do not think people with OCD or any other mental illness are freaks! Good, now we've got that established let me tell you about this 'beautiful freak'.

One of my favourite songs is Eel's 'Beautiful Freak', has been for a long time, but recently the words have taken on new meaning (something I'm sure Eels didn't intend was for this song to be about me or my OCD lol). One of the verses goes:

 

"Some  people think you have a problem,

But that problem lies only with them,

Just 'cause you are not like the others"

 

and that got me to wondering. Is the OCD what makes me a 'Beautiful Freak' and is the problem theirs and not mine?

 

OCD is a serious mental illness, I know this because it almost cost me everything. It's hard to explain to someone without OCD exactly how it feels, especially when their conception is already swayed by the media's blatant misrepresentation. I mean who wants to be labelled OCD, isn't that just jumping on the bandwagon? It's just so fashionable right now to be 'A little bit OCD'. Well what's the next fashion? I'm a little bit armless? I'm a little bit schizophrenic? No, I'm not being flippant. Why is it OK to generalise, marginalise and even homourise one disability or mental illness and not another? Is it fear of the freak, using humour as a defence? Or do people generally think it's humorous to be mentally ill?

 

Misrepresentation of OCD is often born out of misunderstanding, here is an example of a conversation I once had, I'm sure most sufferers will be familiar:

 

me: "I have OCD"

other: "oh, really, well at least your house is nice and tidy"

me: "no my house is a disorganised mess!"

other: "but you've got OCD, I don't understand"

me: "obviously you don't"

other "but surely it means you are obsessed with being neat and tidy?"

me: "no, it means I have obsessive compulsive disorder. It means that my brain is constantly on the go, it means that I am constantly in a state of anxiety about illogical things. My house is in a mess because it's so exhausting making everything perfect I spend most of my time sat in a corner crying that I'll never be good enough and that I can't make everything perfect!!! Plus there's some other stuff too"

other: "oh, I thought it was just washing your hands and stuff"

me: "you probably think I like flicking light switches too?"

other: "oh, don't you do that then?"

me: "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrr" *head in hands*

 

If no one speaks up and raises awareness, how can we correct the situation?

 

I'm just as guilty, nearly 10 years ago I sat in a doctors office and was diagnosed with OCD, and I'll be honest, my first thought was "I don't repetitively wash my hands". That's all I knew about obsessive compulsive disorder. I went straight home and google google googled myself sick on anything about OCD, which looking back now, was not the brightest idea I'd ever had. But during this search I came across a little but very informative charity called ocduk.org, and what a difference that made. Armed with proper information I was able to get the help I needed. So now it's time to inform the world.

 

To give people a better understanding of OCD is to change their perception of this illness. No more flippant comments or stigma. No more fashion label. Just a full understanding of this debilitating, cruel illness. I was asked about OCD this week and once they heard about my experiences and the charity, they wanted to go and find out about it, to become better informed. I only wish more people were like that. I've had my fair share of rudeness or flippant comments made. I've even lost friends and I've been hurt and upset, trying to figure out what to do, how to make them feel better about it. But then I realised, that's just the OCD talking!

 

All we can do is try to educate people about this illness and be there to support other sufferers when they are ready, to show them there are more of us and that they are not alone. It's time to get the word out, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a serious mental illness. It's not a quirk or a life style choice. We do not choose to act or think the way we do, and no one will ever understand each individuals actions or reasons behind them. So it's time for less judgement and more tolerance. And even if after the world is educated, people still have a problem or choose to ignore the seriousness of it, well, then I just need to remember: I'm not like all of the others, I might be a beautiful freak, but that's their problem, Ive got enough of my own!!





It's Serious

Here is a poem I wrote in support of OCD Awareness Week. It's called "It's Serious". Enjoy

I have obsessive compulsive disorder,
It really is a pain,
To have to change my routines,
I'd rather keep it the same.

It's stressful when it's running
Freely round my mind,
Convincing me that I am wrong,
Or stupid or unkind.

It hurts my very soul
When I feel my fears come true,
Even though I know deep down
That they very rarely do.

It causes so much anguish
To those who care for me,
To see the one they love
Be tortured so easily.

My brain is out to get me,
To ruin and abuse,
But the thing that I find hardest
Is peoples constant misuse.

'A little bit OCD'
Does not even come near
To the horrors of a sufferer,
The thoughts that we all fear.

It's not a fashion label
It's not quirky nor a joke,
It's not a comical retort
To idly be spoke.

It's not to be taken lightly
Or judged or stigmatised,
It's a serious mental illness,
It's about time it's recognised!

OCD Awareness Week

Just imagine being told everyday that you are worthless, stupid, incompetent.

Just imagine being screamed at every day

Just imagine being called ugly and fat.

Just imagine being tortured with images of harm you could do to others

Just imagine being told everyday that those you love are going to leave you

Just imagine being starved

Just imagine being imprisoned in your own house

Can you imagine it?

Now imagine the person doing this to you is you!!!

OCD is not a quirk, it's a serious and sometimes fatal illness. It's time this condition was taken seriously!

Please support #ocdawarenessweek and ocduk.org and help those who suffer or care for a sufferer by raising awareness and understanding. It's hard to live with ocd, it's hard to live with someone with ocd. It's easy to turn a blind eye or make a joke!!

I'm a long time sufferer of OCD. When I was originally diagnosed I didn't have a clue what it meant or where to turn. Then I discovered a little charity www.ocduk.org and they literally changed my life. The support and help I have revived has been amazing. 

I wish there was more I could do to support them, to show my appriciation of all their support, but for now this is my contribution. Trying to raise awareness. Trying to get others to see just how bad this illness can be. To try to get some understanding for those who suffer. 

I'm not out of the woods yet, but with help and support I'm at least on the path. Occasionally I still lose my way, sometimes I stumble far from the path, but on those days I know I'm surrounded by support and guidance, I know deep down I will make it back eventually. 

I wish I didn't feel like this, I wish I could think slowly and logically rather than the million voices spinning around my head, but for now I'll just settle for knowing there is help. But for some, that knowledge isn't there, for some, they are still stubbing aimlessly through the dark woods. And that is why OCD Awareness Week is so important!

Please, if nothing else, share this blog and shine a little ocd knowledge around the world

Thank you x

Starlight, star bright.

I've had a bit of alone time recently, and contrary to popular belief, I've actually quite enjoyed it, but it has given me time to think!!

I've used my time very unwisely, instead of doing the million things I needed to do, I did the one thing that any self respecting girl on her own would do- I curled up on the sofa with a drink, some ice cream and a couple of DVDs, ahhhh heaven. With toddler asleep and husband away, what else is a girl to do? I indulged in an old love, Sex and the City!! It's been a while.
Now you think you know where this is going, and maybe you're all not dirty minded so you might be right. While the film focuses mainly on sex and love, there is always the subtext 'Friendship', and it has got me thinking about my friendships and about what friendship really is.

A while ago I wrote a little bit about how my friends are like stars, my reason to look up when I'm feeling so down, and that hasn't changed. My true friends really are like stars, precious and beautiful and priceless. But like stars, friends come in catagories.

Firstly, there is the Class O star, the rarest and most luminescent of all the stars. The friendship equivalent is a best friend, that 1 in a million person who knows you so well they can read your soul. The person who can tell you the truth even if it hurts, the person who is always there no matter if they think you are wrong or right. This is the person who picks up the pieces when you are broken, carefully puts them back together again with gentleness and kindness and then tells you to get your arse in gear and get over yourself! This is the person who knows all your secrets, but who's lips will forever remain sealed without judgement (well maybe just an incy wincy bit of judgement!!) My best friend really is the brightest star, even when her faith in herself wanes, she still shines bright to guide me. And dare I step out of line, she will go supernova on me!!!! I love her beauty, her intelligence, her humour and her ability to make others feel better. My only wish is that we lived closer, who knew a southerner and a northerner could become such good friends???? Aye aye aye lol

The next class of star is A (I'm not doing this in order of star catagory, rather friend catagory). Class A is 'among the more common naked eye stars' (Wikipedia's words, not mine). Class  A friends are not 'common' in that sense, but they are the easiest to see, my close friends I surround myself with, the ones I can rely on, who I know will be there for me. These friends are special, if the were an M&S (careful to put those to letters the right way round otherwise gives whole different meaning to these friends!!!!) advert, it would say 'these aren't just any friends, these are specially hand picked friends. Vibrant and full of colour'. These are friends who make me laugh, who lend a hand, who tell me stories of their adventures or share their woes. Everyday I am grateful for their existence, as they make everyday that much easier to cope with. Just knowing they are there makes all the difference.

Class B stars are bright but burn quickly. These are friends that are in the past, not forgotten, but who time has separated from us. Friendships that, while great and beneficial at the time, were for some reason unsustainable. Their friendship may have past, but their impact is still visible. For everyone we ever come into contact with leaves a lasting impression, as do we on them!

Then there is the G class, the most famous of these being our sun. The friendship equivalent is that person who thinks the world revolves around them. We all know someone like that, or used to. Maybe they were someone you tolerated, or maybe a 'frenemy'. Sometimes these friends can be useful, you can learn from their mistakes. I often wonder if that friend is me??? I hope not, I hope I'm not that selfish. Yes I can be a bit 'in my own head', but I like to think I'm there for others too! I hope it's just the ocd encouraging those thoughts and not the fact I've turned into a class G pain in the arse!!

And then there are fake stars, you know, shooting stars. Turns out they're not stars after all, just hurtling bits of rock pretending to be stars. Isn't it funny that when we see one we make a wish? 'Oh a shooting star, make a wish', pinning your wish to a fake, to a piece of space debris that is burning up in the atmosphere into nothingness. The fake friend, smiling all the time they are stabbing you in the back. We shall call them Debris friends, because that's what they are, rubbish. It's a shame that we are disillusioned to it, too busy ohhing and ahhing at the prettiness of it till it is too late.

I wonder which star you all think you are?? I know who is who, I know which ones of you shine and bring light into my life. You are my friends, part of my soul, no matter how much influence you think you have on my life, no matter whether you think you're a good friend or not, if I've chosen you to be, and remain, friends, then there must be something rather special about you. Each of you bring something different into my life, each of you are unique. I feel very lucky to have the friends I have. It makes all the difference in the world!!

Even when you can't see them, stars are always there, surrounding us. So twinkle on my beautiful friends.