Rush rush rush rush
I feel like the bloomin' white rabbit
"My whiskers and paws, I'm late"
I wonder if he really was late or whether he was just like me, so anxious to never be late, he always felt he was running late?
"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date, I know I am I'm sure I am, I'm late I'm late I'm late"
But does it really matter being late? What are the real consequences?
Well surely that all depends on the circumstances. If your late meeting a friend the consequences are far different than being late to court, or a funeral. It's all perspective
And that's what's missing with OCD, perspective!!!!!
Sure we've got 20:20 vision in hindsight, but perspective? Nope, not a jot! Not one tiny little mini iddy bit. Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch!
You see, here is the difference between you and me.
You get ready at a reasonable time, maybe push it right to the wire.
I get ready about a 3 hours too early and spend the rest of the time fretting.
You turn up early/on time/late oops, oh well make your apologies, move on, enjoy your evening
I turn up incredibly early and lie telling people "oh no, I've not been waiting long, no really I just got here myself" when really I got there at least 30 mins before and spent that time worrying I had got the wrong time/date/place!!!!!
It's tiring, it's exhausting. There are times I've cancelled going out because the thought of being late was overwhelming, did I mention I cancelled 5 hours before the time!!!!
It's stressful, and it's absurd, but what did I say? No perspective!
I have unreasonable expectations of myself and of how I should shape the world around me! I have delusional ideas of perfection, I don't have perspective.
So here's the thing, when/if you find yourself dealing with someone in the throws of an OCD episode, don't use the term "can't you see what your doing" because, no we can't, we are blind! We have no perspective!!
In that time our actions are a result of an (almost always) unrealistic threat. We cannot see past that.
So no, we cannot see
No, we cannot "just get over it"
No, we cannot move on
We need help, we need understand, we need perspective!!!!
Friday 17 October 2014
Thursday 16 October 2014
OCD Awareness Week day 4
How can you hide?
It's easy, behind a tree, under a bed, in a cupboard. Hide and seek is a great game to play, the fun and anticipation of being found or doing the finding, as children it was one of the best games.
As adults we still play it. We still hide, we still seek.
With OCD the game takes a dark twist. What we hide becomes dangerous, what we seek becomes impossible.
OCD is a hidden illness, something to be concealed, covered up. Because believe it or not, we are aware of what we are doing. It makes sense to us, but we know it won't make sense to you. So we hide it, keep silent, don't share, become secretive and BOOM the ocd has got us!!!
If we can't talk about it it means we internalise it, handing the power to the OCD. Keeping quiet allows it to develop, twist and control, to convince us to carry on spiralling out of control. It convinces us that no one understands, I mean, listen to the way they joke about it!
" No one will take you seriously, they think you are just being silly, so shush, don't speak up, stay here with me, I'll keep you safe"
And so we suffer, in silence, in darkened turmoil. Never speaking out, never asking for help. What's the point, you'll just laugh at me or tell me to get over it!!
That's what making light of an illness does, keeps it secret, keeps it stigmatised, keeps it abusing!! If we can't talk about it we can't ask for help.
I mustn't feel tired, or disappointed, or sad.
Instead I must be cheerful and happy and glad.
I mustn't wallow or scream or cry.
Instead I must smile and wipe my eyes dry.
I mustn't show rage or anger or dread.
Instead I must keep it all in my head.
I mustn't let others see my despair.
Instead I must show my kindness and care.
I mustn't show hurt or pain or fear.
instead I must pretend I'm not here.
#ocdawarenessweek
#thatsocd
It's easy, behind a tree, under a bed, in a cupboard. Hide and seek is a great game to play, the fun and anticipation of being found or doing the finding, as children it was one of the best games.
As adults we still play it. We still hide, we still seek.
With OCD the game takes a dark twist. What we hide becomes dangerous, what we seek becomes impossible.
OCD is a hidden illness, something to be concealed, covered up. Because believe it or not, we are aware of what we are doing. It makes sense to us, but we know it won't make sense to you. So we hide it, keep silent, don't share, become secretive and BOOM the ocd has got us!!!
If we can't talk about it it means we internalise it, handing the power to the OCD. Keeping quiet allows it to develop, twist and control, to convince us to carry on spiralling out of control. It convinces us that no one understands, I mean, listen to the way they joke about it!
" No one will take you seriously, they think you are just being silly, so shush, don't speak up, stay here with me, I'll keep you safe"
And so we suffer, in silence, in darkened turmoil. Never speaking out, never asking for help. What's the point, you'll just laugh at me or tell me to get over it!!
That's what making light of an illness does, keeps it secret, keeps it stigmatised, keeps it abusing!! If we can't talk about it we can't ask for help.
I mustn't feel tired, or disappointed, or sad.
Instead I must be cheerful and happy and glad.
I mustn't wallow or scream or cry.
Instead I must smile and wipe my eyes dry.
I mustn't show rage or anger or dread.
Instead I must keep it all in my head.
I mustn't let others see my despair.
Instead I must show my kindness and care.
I mustn't show hurt or pain or fear.
instead I must pretend I'm not here.
#ocdawarenessweek
#thatsocd
Wednesday 15 October 2014
OCD awareness week day 3 still
So ocd, is it laughing matter?
No, yes, maybe..........oh hang on, I'm confused.
My OCD is a flipping nightmare to put it mildly. At one point it almost killed me. That's definitely no laughing matter.
My brain had me so convinced that the whole entire world was better off with out me, that the only thing I was good at was causing harm that I decided to end it all. Not my finest hour I'll admit, but one of my darkest. No laughter, no funniness. Just bleakness, darkness and a whole lot of self loathing.
Obviously things turned around and I'm no longer in that place any more. The world no longer seems scary and dark, although I still have days where the storms gather. I know that there is light and that I can survive, I try to live my life regardless of that obnoxious haunting voice in my head. And yes there are even days where I can laugh at my ocd, see the stupidity in it a even have a chuckle, sometimes my poor exasperated hubby laughs at my ocd, it becomes like a private joke between us, a secret laughter. It's sounds strange I know, but there are actually days when my ocd seems so ridiculous that I have to laugh, have to roll my eyes and say "can you believe I actually said/did/thought that" and have a giggle. It's always retrospective!!
So yes, I can laugh, we can laugh, it's funny to laugh with someone.
It is not ok to laugh at someone, therefore it is not ok to laugh at someone's illness, to make light of a serious illness.
How many comedians start a joke with
"did you hear about the man with lung cancer that had half his lung removed"? Nothing funny there.
"Did you hear about the girl with sever learning difficulties"? Nope still not a funny opener
So why is it ok to joke about ocd. Apparently it's the funniest illness going!!! Apparently everyone is 'a little bit ocd' so it's ok to make a joke, find it funny, belittle it.
Well actually, no, not everyone is 'a little bit ocd' maybe they just like things tidy or organised. Maybe they just like things neat. That's ok, there's nothing wrong with being neat, neat is good, means you don't keep stepping on odd bits of duplo (I have a 3 year old!) neat is nice. Neat isn't very funny, it's just neat, maybe even (dare I say it) anal!! But it doesn't make you OCD!!!!
There is nothing funny about an illness that can be fatal, that ruin lives, tortures whole families. We don't need laughter, we need understanding.
So can you laugh at my ocd, well yes if it affects you directly and makes me look silly and gives us a laugh, then sure it's fine.
Can you laugh at ocd in general and make jokes about it?
Well what do you think?
Call for change, get educated and destroy the stigma.
It's ocd awareness week, help fight for change!!!
#thatsOCD
#ocdawarenessweek
#ocdawareness
No, yes, maybe..........oh hang on, I'm confused.
My OCD is a flipping nightmare to put it mildly. At one point it almost killed me. That's definitely no laughing matter.
My brain had me so convinced that the whole entire world was better off with out me, that the only thing I was good at was causing harm that I decided to end it all. Not my finest hour I'll admit, but one of my darkest. No laughter, no funniness. Just bleakness, darkness and a whole lot of self loathing.
Obviously things turned around and I'm no longer in that place any more. The world no longer seems scary and dark, although I still have days where the storms gather. I know that there is light and that I can survive, I try to live my life regardless of that obnoxious haunting voice in my head. And yes there are even days where I can laugh at my ocd, see the stupidity in it a even have a chuckle, sometimes my poor exasperated hubby laughs at my ocd, it becomes like a private joke between us, a secret laughter. It's sounds strange I know, but there are actually days when my ocd seems so ridiculous that I have to laugh, have to roll my eyes and say "can you believe I actually said/did/thought that" and have a giggle. It's always retrospective!!
So yes, I can laugh, we can laugh, it's funny to laugh with someone.
It is not ok to laugh at someone, therefore it is not ok to laugh at someone's illness, to make light of a serious illness.
How many comedians start a joke with
"did you hear about the man with lung cancer that had half his lung removed"? Nothing funny there.
"Did you hear about the girl with sever learning difficulties"? Nope still not a funny opener
So why is it ok to joke about ocd. Apparently it's the funniest illness going!!! Apparently everyone is 'a little bit ocd' so it's ok to make a joke, find it funny, belittle it.
Well actually, no, not everyone is 'a little bit ocd' maybe they just like things tidy or organised. Maybe they just like things neat. That's ok, there's nothing wrong with being neat, neat is good, means you don't keep stepping on odd bits of duplo (I have a 3 year old!) neat is nice. Neat isn't very funny, it's just neat, maybe even (dare I say it) anal!! But it doesn't make you OCD!!!!
There is nothing funny about an illness that can be fatal, that ruin lives, tortures whole families. We don't need laughter, we need understanding.
So can you laugh at my ocd, well yes if it affects you directly and makes me look silly and gives us a laugh, then sure it's fine.
Can you laugh at ocd in general and make jokes about it?
Well what do you think?
Call for change, get educated and destroy the stigma.
It's ocd awareness week, help fight for change!!!
#thatsOCD
#ocdawarenessweek
#ocdawareness
OCD Awareness Week day 3
I'm totally exhausted
I give in you win I lose
Just give me peace just let me be
For once just let me choose
Stop giving me confusion
Abuse and use, I lose
Just let me out, give me a chance
For once just let me choose
Stop yelling I can't hear you
You scream, I scream I lose
Just quiet down in fact shut up
For once just let me choose
Don't fight me any more
You pull I fall I lose
This war is getting to be to much
For once just let me choose
Just once just let me choose
I push you shush you lose
One battle down, I know your weak
Now's the time to choose
I give in you win I lose
Just give me peace just let me be
For once just let me choose
Stop giving me confusion
Abuse and use, I lose
Just let me out, give me a chance
For once just let me choose
Stop yelling I can't hear you
You scream, I scream I lose
Just quiet down in fact shut up
For once just let me choose
Don't fight me any more
You pull I fall I lose
This war is getting to be to much
For once just let me choose
Just once just let me choose
I push you shush you lose
One battle down, I know your weak
Now's the time to choose
Tuesday 14 October 2014
Ocd awareness week day 2
"If I tell you a secret can you keep it?"
That's how my ocd always starts the conversation!!
It's always a secret!
"If you tell anyone it will make it worse, just keep quite and do what I say"
It's a hostage situation, my brain is literally holding me hostage!
The problem really starts when you get an ocd version of Stockholm syndrome, you start to believe you can't live live with out the ocd, that you somehow need it, it's what keeps you/loved ones safe. That it's somehow helping!
How do you stop? How do you break away from something so ingrained into your life, your home, your brain?
The first, biggest and hardest step is recognising what's going on and fighting back. It's hard to break away, to give up something that you consider to be part of you. After all if you stop being ocd who will you be???
And that's the point! We are not OCD, we suffer from it!! But as a sufferer, the ocd can convince you that it's an intrinsic part of who you are. It can turn into quite the vicious cycle.
It takes tremendous hard work, great support and a network of professionals, but it can be done, it can be overcome.
Education is the key, mass education, not only of professionals, but of the general public too.
The more people that understand ocd, understand the consequence of ocd, the less stigmatised it will be.
No longer will ocd be the butt of jokes or a way to describe tidiness or neatness. The term "a little bit ocd" would no longer be acceptable, instead it would be widely accepted that ocd is a serious illness, one that needs to be recognised and treated as swiftly as any other illness.
The only way this can happen is by mass awareness, mass education.
Don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution
Get educated!
#ocduk
#ocdawarenessweek
#ocdawareness
#thatsocd
That's how my ocd always starts the conversation!!
It's always a secret!
"If you tell anyone it will make it worse, just keep quite and do what I say"
It's a hostage situation, my brain is literally holding me hostage!
The problem really starts when you get an ocd version of Stockholm syndrome, you start to believe you can't live live with out the ocd, that you somehow need it, it's what keeps you/loved ones safe. That it's somehow helping!
How do you stop? How do you break away from something so ingrained into your life, your home, your brain?
The first, biggest and hardest step is recognising what's going on and fighting back. It's hard to break away, to give up something that you consider to be part of you. After all if you stop being ocd who will you be???
And that's the point! We are not OCD, we suffer from it!! But as a sufferer, the ocd can convince you that it's an intrinsic part of who you are. It can turn into quite the vicious cycle.
It takes tremendous hard work, great support and a network of professionals, but it can be done, it can be overcome.
Education is the key, mass education, not only of professionals, but of the general public too.
The more people that understand ocd, understand the consequence of ocd, the less stigmatised it will be.
No longer will ocd be the butt of jokes or a way to describe tidiness or neatness. The term "a little bit ocd" would no longer be acceptable, instead it would be widely accepted that ocd is a serious illness, one that needs to be recognised and treated as swiftly as any other illness.
The only way this can happen is by mass awareness, mass education.
Don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution
Get educated!
#ocduk
#ocdawarenessweek
#ocdawareness
#thatsocd
Monday 13 October 2014
Ocd awareness week!
Imagine the scenario:
Two people
One person constantly beats on the other
Constantly tells the other they're stupid/not worth anything/good for nothing/ pointless/fat/hurtful/neglectful
Constantly gets the other into harmful/high risk situations
Constantly isolates the other
Constantly shouts and screams at the other
Constantly mistreats/neglects the other
One abuser one abused
What advice would you give to the abused?
It's easy right? Tell them to leave, tell them there is help out there, refuges, protection
You wouldn't laugh would you?
You wouldn't make a flippant joke about it would you?
You wouldn't make it the butt of a joke would you?
Now imagine that scenario but it's all one person, the abuser and the abused is one person!
That is OCD
The bully and the bullied
The abuser and the abused
Still ok to make a joke about OCD?
End the stigma #thatsocd #ocdawarenessweek. #ocduk
Two people
One person constantly beats on the other
Constantly tells the other they're stupid/not worth anything/good for nothing/ pointless/fat/hurtful/neglectful
Constantly gets the other into harmful/high risk situations
Constantly isolates the other
Constantly shouts and screams at the other
Constantly mistreats/neglects the other
One abuser one abused
What advice would you give to the abused?
It's easy right? Tell them to leave, tell them there is help out there, refuges, protection
You wouldn't laugh would you?
You wouldn't make a flippant joke about it would you?
You wouldn't make it the butt of a joke would you?
Now imagine that scenario but it's all one person, the abuser and the abused is one person!
That is OCD
The bully and the bullied
The abuser and the abused
Still ok to make a joke about OCD?
End the stigma #thatsocd #ocdawarenessweek. #ocduk
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