A majestic arc of power strewn across the darkened sky - this is how I describe lightning
What's my point I hear you cry, well it's this.
Sometimes when you analyse things, take them apart, prod and poke them and see how they work, they lose their magic! The beautiful mystery that surrounds them fades and all you're left with is a bunch of molecules rubbing and causing voltage or some such.
The same can be said of the past, or of relationships, the more you pick at them, the more mechanical and less beautiful they become, until in the end all you see is the machinery, the ugly mechanics, not the wonderful outcomes or memories that it all holds
But then I question whether I'm too naive? I often wonder do I need to know how it works, or can I just enjoy the beauty of it? Well the lightning is amazing, beautiful, mysterious, awe inspiring, it almost makes you want too stand on a tall hill and try and catch it, try and be part of its power, to join with it, to feels its incredible charge. But knowing exactly how it works tells me that if I did do that I'd be a pile of frazzled ashes, so sometimes knowing the mechanics stops us from doing something incredibly stupid or dangerous, or bad for our health. And yes it might take away some of the mystery, it might not seem as magnificent, but maybe you can still hold on to some of the beauty while admiring the mechanics?
What if we ignored the danger, would we definitely becomes crispy bacon? Would you take that chance to experience something amazingly breathtaking? Or would you stay inside, shut yourself away and wait for the storm to pass?
Is it better to ignore it than to watch it from afar, longing to join in and knowing you can't? To pretend it doesn't exist, or to see it just as an 'occurrence of a natural electrical discharge of very short duration and high voltage between a cloud and the ground or within a cloud' and pretend it holds no beauty?
I need my world to hold beauty, to be a world of mystery, to hold such wonders, but reality seems to clash with it somehow. Recent events seem to cloud my view, darken the horizons. Instead of a vista of wonder and light, I feel like I look out on a landscape of overflowing darkness. I want to live in a world where I can sit in harmony like an angel, spreading my wings on a warm morning breeze, yet here I stand like a maleficent creature overlooking all that I have made, the demons that I myself have bore, growing more powerful everyday with thoughts of anger and vengeance. Wanting to rip every star from the sky and darken the universe, to rip galaxies apart to vent my own frustrations and anger. An anger that swells from the very pit of my soul.
Recent events have put my spirit in to turmoil, from knowing there is still beauty in the world and that we just have to work hard to get through this moment, to wanting to use my powers for evil. I'm so angry at the universe that I physically want to punish it! But I can't, so instead I'll punish myself and those closed to me. If I must feel like I'm in hell, then why not become the devil? At least own it!!!! And maybe it's time that I did. If the universe will cause me so much hurt and anger why not use it to my own advantage? Why not turn this hell into my own playground, with my own rules? Maybe it's time I gave karma a taste of its own medicine.
Someone told me 'god only gives you as much as he thinks you can handle' well, his plan is about to backfire!!!
I can sit and mope about not being able to play with the lightning or I can be inspired by its magnificent power!!! So I'm making a choice, now it's all about me!
I thought being this angry at the world would make me weaker, make me small and vulnerable, but it hasn't, if anything it's done the opposite, it's made me stronger, given me an inner power I never knew existed. It's made me more selfish, but it's what I need. Now it's all about me, what I need to be as a mother, what I need to be as a daughter, but most of all, what I need to be as me.
I need to be me, and if that means being selfish or detached. Then so be it. I'm putting up my defences, I might not be able to play with the lightning but I'm gonna get damn close to it!!!
I've always worried what other people think, what they will say. Well no more, now they can worry what I think or say. I'm not going to fight to be in people's lives, if they want to be in mine, let them fight to be, and if they don't then I don't want them in my life!!!!!
I might no be able to play with lightning but I'm gonna bloody stir up a storm!!!!!!
'When all of your tears dry, let your troubles roll by
Like New Year's Eve, tonight's underway
But tomorrow you'll wake up afraid of the day
'Cause underneath the scars of your broken dreams
An undone war still wages and stings
You fear the year will blow
Like a breeze through a rainbow
You swear it's there, but you can't grab a hold
So you sit and cry and wonder why, why...
When all of your tears dry, let your troubles roll by
So many cities and windows and lives
And through each one there's a soul that strives to survive
So pay no mind, my sorrow's fine
The day is a live and that's why I cry
It's a New Year's toast, grab your list to conspire
The last snake hissed as he was thrown in the fire
You've come far, and though you're far from the end
You don't mind where you are, cause you know where you've been' -
Carbon Leaf 'let your troubles roll by'
No comments:
Post a Comment