Sink or Swim

Right then, here we go.....................

Ok honestly I'm not sure what I'm going to write about, I have a million different topics buzzing around in my head but none of them seem to be making it on to (virtual) paper! how annoying. I seem to have stumbled onto a bit of a problem, you see, the OCD wants to write a blog that's all doom and gloom, where as, I want to write one that's cheery and bright, so what to do?

Lets start cheery and bright and see where we get to....

As some of you may have noticed, my mood has been a little bleak recently, or at least my blogs may have been. That's because I've been working through some things and OCD has been giving a helping hand gggrrrrrrr. So this weekend I did something totally out of character, I let my hubby talk me into a spontaneous trip to the seaside :) sounds wonderful, but have you ever tried being spontaneous when you have OCD???? Well without dwelling on the details (as I'm sure you don't want to hear about what I packed or the fiasco of deciding where to go) it lead to a 90 minute drive with a level 10 anxiety attack chasing closely behind! Everything from 'had I locked the door' to 'it wont be a perfect trip' was whirring around in my skull, ugh why did I agree to this????????? My incessant pursuit of perfection does not go hand in hand with spontaneous, in fact it fights against it kicking and screaming, scratching and hair pulling. My brain was in torture, on one hand I was going away over night (yes folks, this is all over one night away!) with my wonderful hubby to let our son experience the seaside for the first time, on the other hand, at that precise moment, it was possible my hair straighteners (which hadn't seen the light of day for nearly 2 weeks) could be burning down the house ('did I unplug the hair straighteners???'). What chance did I really have against this roaring tide of emotion and anxiety, the trip was already over, the adventure ruined!!! or was it?

Well I managed to get us to the hotel determined to forget about my blazing house and get a good night's sleep ready for seaside fun, that didn't happen! Can you claim back the good night guarantee if it's your son and your OCD that keep you up? I woke up tired but excited, we were going to the seaside yippee, the little child inside of me was itching to break out the bucket and spade that I had yet to buy. What could possible go wrong?

The Weather!!!! it rained and rained and rained. We had a lay in, it rained. We went for breakfast, it rained. We watched 'The Cat in the Hat', it rained. Then at 11am I saw it, a slither of blue in the sky. This was it, everything thrown in to the bag and tossed into the car, everyone strapped in and off we went. Look out seaside here we come, this was it, the weather was breaking, we were at the coast, my hopes were high...............

And so was the tide! Really, was this really happening. Did the universe decide that today was the day to pull out all the stops and play a cosmic joke on me? Well OCD you win, congratulations, you have my perfect day at the beach, are you satisfied? I hope so. So there I sat, in the car, sulking, not knowing what to do, totally down that my perfect day was ruined and there was nothing to do but turn around and go home :( sad and dejected we drove around for a little while whilst I let my brain calm down. Poor hubby was trying his best, making every suggestion known to man. In the end we decided to pull up at some free parking and at least show Bobo the sea. What happened next surprised me, I heard myself saying 'why don't we walk back to the pier along the seafront and have some lunch and see what happens next?' Hello brain, been a while! so that's what we did. I decided to ignore the OCD and decided that as we were there we might as well make the best of it.

What happened next? We had our perfect day at the beach. We had lunch and when we came out of the chippy (as it is written in law that at the beach you must eat fish and chips), the sun was shining and there was a lovely strip of sand behind the bucket and spade shop :) And so a lovely afternoon was had by all. I got one over on the OCD, hubby got to be spontaneous and take us on an adventure, and Bobo finally got his first experience of the seaside, paddling included. And to top it all off, not only did we make wonderful sand castles with our newly acquired bucket and spade, but we made wonderful memories too!

So there you go, a happy blog. I think I'll leave it at that for this week, while the mood is light. Next blog might not be so lucky, in fact, I'm almost sure that it will be a trip into the darkest recesses of my brain. I'm already deep in thought and getting dragged off through moments of guilt and OCD and other such quicksand of the soul, already feeling the overwhelming desire to enter the darkness and dwell in its exquisite torture.

So til next time, Happy Camping x x x