Well, hello campers, thought that today I would take you on a little ponder about honesty and the ultimate question. So join me, and if you can, answer truthfully :)
Wouldn't it be better if everyone was honest about how they felt? I don't mean openly wondering around making random statements "oh I love that colour flower" "yuk I hate that car" etc, I mean if someone asked you a direct question, like 'how are you' or 'how do you feel about...?' that you gave them an honest answer.
Don't get me wrong, I'm as bad as the next person. 'How am I feeling' "erm fine", is that true? If I was find would my soul be screaming out in pain?would my brain be hurtling around quicker then the earth spins around the sun,? would I be writing this blog? But it's etiquette, we are conditioned to be polite and not burden each other with the mundane, with our own perceived problems, and maybe that's a good thing. Sometimes we ask the question out of politeness, to make small talk, and therefore it's only right to give the formal quick response 'I'm fine thank you, and you?'. Sometimes we ask out of reassurance 'are you ok' I make sure everything is ok, again to get a quick fix answer 'yes I'm fine thanks'.
But what if you want a real response, what if you desperately seek an answer, the truth? What if your question 'how are you?' is a genuine question? Maybe the question isn't honest, maybe we use 'how are you' to convey other messages, private, secret messages that you hope the other person will translate. 'how are you' can become genuine concern or 'I miss you' or 'why?' or 'talk to me' or any other message you dare not ask. But herein lays the problem. You might be sending secret messages and the person receiving it doesn't know, to them 'how are you' is simply that, and you will receive a simple answer 'fine thanks, you?' or worse still what if the question really is 'how are you' and it gets mistranslated and opens a whole can of worms?
Language is a tricky thing, it leads us into many difficult situations, trying to untangle hidden meaning when there isn't any, missing hidden meaning when it's there. The wrong people misinterpreting the wrong hidden message, the right people missing the message all together. So surely it's better to be truthful, when someone asks 'how are you?' and your not 'fine' then tell them, if they don't want to hear it then they shouldn't have asked, they should have just said 'hi' and left it at that.
Why should we hide what we feel? I'm not saying put it all out there, you can be selective, not telling everyone everything, but why shouldn't we be honest to the people that we desperately want to be honest to? Why shouldn't we be able to ask questions that leave awkward silences, hurtful replies, happy smiles? We have become so conditioned to protect ourselves from pain, that maybe linguistically we are becoming numb. No longer able to ask the questions that we want, no longer able to hear the answers we need. But you know what they say, no pain no gain. If no one ever hurts your feelings how can you expect anyone to make you feel anything? (does that make sense?) if we never ask for an honest answer and never ask an honest question then we can never be surprised by the outcome, but also if we never answer a question honestly then we can never surprise anyone either, it works both ways. If we deny the truth or use humour as a defence then aren't we robbing each other of something, of part of an honest relationship. No matter whether you're friends, acquaintances or lovers, each relationship should demand an aspect of honesty and respect (linguistically speaking). It might be that the person you're asking is on the defencive or feels they don't want to face the truth or hurt you with the truth, but does that mean they shouldn't answer truthfully? . Some times honesty is the best policy, but use your judgement, and remember sometimes the answer to 'how are you?' really is 'fine thanks'
The real problem is, none of us are mind readers, we will never know what goes on in someone else's brain or heart unless they say it out loud in a clear, simple, no hidden context, way or write it in a blog!
So, how are you?
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