New year

Well the campfire is burning, the bubbly is on ice and we're all about to party and by all I include the OCD! Ooohhhh the last blog of the year!!!

Sane me is looking forward to the new year, new year new start, but the ocd is looking at the year gone past and wondering if it can top it! A lot has happened in 2012, good and bad, and as much as I'd like to look back and see all the wonderful events, like my baby's first birthday or celebrating his christening with special family and friends, or spending time with loved ones, my ocd would like to spend the time contemplating where I've gone wrong, where the year went wrong, and what a terrible job I do. On top of that it would like to point out how next year will be full of the same. So is there any point celebrating the new year?

Celebrating new year means acknowledging the fact that another year has passed, that time is steadily marching forward whether I keep up or not. I read other peoples statuses on Facebook, all happy, glad of the year they've had and looking forward to a better one ahead and I'd like to join in (and I probably will, with a status thats well rehearsed and untruthfully cheerful), but I can't help thinking 'what will go wrong this year? What will screw up 2013?). It's not the best way to start a year, it's not the positive outlook I was hoping for, but the OCD has got the better of me!!

I have so many dreams for the coming year, but I feel that by even just wanting them I've already jinxed it. So I'm trying not to plan ahead, live day by day, but I can't help it, I can't help feeling a tiny bit optimistic (and even a little exited) that maybe 2013 will be a good year and that I will get some of the things I hope for (if not all). But again the OCD is nagging, 'all you'll get woman is what you deserve: nothing!!!! Would bother even thinking about it coz you won't get it, in fact there will be cruel and unusual things that not only stop you getting what you want, but make it even worse!!' Well thanks OCD, and a Bloody Happy New Year to You Too!!

It's not that I'm determined not to enjoy next year, I'm just worried that it will repeat some of the unnecessary harshness of this year, and I'm not sure how much more I can take.
So here are my aims for next year:
Spend every spare moment enjoying my time with my husband and son
Lose weight
Lose OCD (or at least try and get the reins back on it)
Be thankful for what I've got
Start taking my card making much more seriously and get on with it!!!
start looking after myself.

There are a few specific things that I'm wishing for for next year, but I'm not going to list them as they're personal to me and by writing them down I feel like I would jinx them and never get what I want. They're not unrealistic wants but I know that I might not get them, which is ok in one sense, as long as the ocd leaves them alone (which it won't).

But that's it, I'll celebrate the new year, in the hope I will be able to leave the past in this one and start looking forward. And even if my cheery celebrations are a mask hiding my fear of marching time and overwhelming OCD, maybe if I fake it enough I might start to actually mean it

So from my campsite of wild OCD and rambling thoughts, I wish you all a very Happy and Peaceful New Year x x x