How can you hide?
It's easy, behind a tree, under a bed, in a cupboard. Hide and seek is a great game to play, the fun and anticipation of being found or doing the finding, as children it was one of the best games.
As adults we still play it. We still hide, we still seek.
With OCD the game takes a dark twist. What we hide becomes dangerous, what we seek becomes impossible.
OCD is a hidden illness, something to be concealed, covered up. Because believe it or not, we are aware of what we are doing. It makes sense to us, but we know it won't make sense to you. So we hide it, keep silent, don't share, become secretive and BOOM the ocd has got us!!!
If we can't talk about it it means we internalise it, handing the power to the OCD. Keeping quiet allows it to develop, twist and control, to convince us to carry on spiralling out of control. It convinces us that no one understands, I mean, listen to the way they joke about it!
" No one will take you seriously, they think you are just being silly, so shush, don't speak up, stay here with me, I'll keep you safe"
And so we suffer, in silence, in darkened turmoil. Never speaking out, never asking for help. What's the point, you'll just laugh at me or tell me to get over it!!
That's what making light of an illness does, keeps it secret, keeps it stigmatised, keeps it abusing!! If we can't talk about it we can't ask for help.
I mustn't feel tired, or disappointed, or sad.
Instead I must be cheerful and happy and glad.
I mustn't wallow or scream or cry.
Instead I must smile and wipe my eyes dry.
I mustn't show rage or anger or dread.
Instead I must keep it all in my head.
I mustn't let others see my despair.
Instead I must show my kindness and care.
I mustn't show hurt or pain or fear.
instead I must pretend I'm not here.
#ocdawarenessweek
#thatsocd
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